Quick note before I delve into yet another deep, thought-provoking post of mine: I got the idea for this post from a blog that I read regularly. 2 birds 1 blog. I won't link it because my mom reads this blog and that blog is crude at times, still its hilarious. (Google it if you're interested) There is no way I am capable of being as witty or funny as she is, but I'm am borrowing her idea ... not her writing. I know there's mucho sensitivity in blog-land about stealing material.
I am the all-time queen of holding a grudge. Just ask my husband. Not that I'm implying that I am holding a grudge against him, just that he has to listen to my bi-weekly grudge report so he's well acquainted with this particular personality trait of mine! Some say its unhealthy to hold a grudge, I say its just my own little way of protecting myself from people doing me wrong!
To my family and friends reading this -- don't worry. I more than likely am not holding a grudge against you (but even if I do, you won't read about it here on this blog). I usually only hold grudges against people that I:
a) don't like
b) don't know
c) don't know and don't like
With people I'm close to, I may get mad at them and usually they'll know about it so there is really no need to hold a grudge. Does that make sense?
As for people I don't know, etc, basically one wrong move and I'll hold a grudge forever. And these grudges of mine have a mind of their own. Sometimes, someone can do something and I'll begrudge them for it. Five minutes later a completely different person can do the exact same thing and I'll brush it off. I think it probably all boils down to whether or not I like the offender.
Just so you'll understand where I'm coming from, I think you should all be privy to my most current grudge-report!
1) JACKASS - This is our neighbor at the lake (I've mentioned this in a prior post). His name is actually Jack, but ever since The Incident he is officially JackAss. Let me give you some background on him before I tell you all about The Incident. He's one of those, hmm ... for lack of a better word, he's a yankee. He's got a brusque personality. Just basically someone I would never get along with. He is constantly making comments that he finds funny, but in actuality they are condescending. I can't think of an example right now, but just trust me on that. You all know the type. So anyways, The Incident:
It is Memorial Day weekend and my cousins are over at the lake for the day. JackAss and clan are out on their dock next door to ours. We're all out there having a good time when Liam, Gavin, and Caris (my cousins) all decide they want to go ride on the jet ski. Whenever they want to ride, I'm usually the one to take them out for whatever reason. First, I take the 6 year old (Liam) out for a ride. We come back and I pick up the 4 year old (Gavin), who at the time has a cast on his arm that he absolutley cannot get wet. (Read: cast that must not get wet ... therefore I can't possibly drive fast or do any 'tricks' with him on it) Then I come back and get the 2 year old, Caris. Caris has never been on the jet ski before, and she's TWO so as you can imagine I'm not exactly out there hot-rodding on my jet ski. So we finish our ride and I head back to the dock and park. When I hear this:
"HEY KATIE! YOU GOTTA SLOOOOW DOWN, HONEY. THAT THING KICKS UP A HECK OF A WAKE"
My response? "Sorry" But in actuality I was thinking:
a) kiss my ass
b) i'm driving CHILDREN, i'm not going too fast
c) this is a LAKE. people operate boats and personal watercraft. they make WAKES.
d) you are an asshole
e) you really just shouldn't have said anything to me. you'll regret this.
f) don't you dare call me HONEY.
I ignored him the remainder of the weekend. Flat out would not look at him if he spoke to me. I intend for the "sorry" that I muttered to him to be my last word to him. Ever. Unless he cures cancer, then maybe I'd say "thanks".
2) OLDBILL - This is a dude that calls our office from time to time. He is one of our vendors, and is always a jerk. Just one of those people, you know? Always saying something snarky, and just generally not a nice dude. Somehow when he calls, I always get stuck talking to him. This is the type of guy that responds to normal comments and pleasantries in the contrary. You know? Like he has a sarcastic comment for whatever you say. Evidently he missed the day in smartass school where they taught you to properly utilize sarcasm. I heard he took Asshole 102 that day instead. Anyway, I've never really held a grudge against him (just didn't care for him) until The Conversation that recently transpired:
Phone rings, I answer. (I work in a small office, if its ringing someone answers it... we don't have a fancy-shmancy receptionist).
OldBill: "Hey, this is Bill [last name] at [company]. I'm having some trouble sending Ronnie an email. The address I have is firstname.lastname@example.org"
Me: "Well, I believe its actually email@example.com"
OldBill (in snarky tone): "You believe? Well, what is it. I'm really going to need the exact address. Mwuahahahaha!"
Me (in snarkier tone): "What I just told you. That is the email address"
So, while I was sorta nice about it, I definitely let him know that he'd smarted off to me unnecessarily. Yes, I said "I believe". But for crying out loud. Semantics, jackass! If I didn't KNOW for sure, I would have said "hold on let me find out" and then told him.
Assholery noted, and now you are forever on my Grudge list, OldBill.
Okay. That even wore me out. I'm sorry you won't get the rest of the Grudge Report today, but somehow I think you'll survive without it. Ben, don't worry honey, you'll hear the rest of it later I'm sure!!!