Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Waterboarding Out .... IPS In

There has been so much media-hype over these enhanced interrogation techniques put in place by the Bush administration. I've heard the term 'waterboarding' several times and didn't really understand exactly what it meant. So I just looked it up on wikipedia and I think what I endured yesterday is a hundred times worse than that ....

An orthodontist visit.

I'm dead serious. If we really want these terrorists to start talking (and we don't, as evidenced by Obama's stance on these interrogation methods) then all we really need to do is send them to my orthodontist! After five minutes in his chair, those clowns will be singing like canaries!

The procedure I had done was called IPS. I'm not sure what that stands for exactly but the way it was explained to me is that he needed to polish between two of my upper teeth to create room for them to move and align corectly. Based on that definition, I thought they were basically just going to use that scraper thing that the dentist uses. Sounds pretty harmless, right?

WRONG.

Immediatley when I sit in the chair, the hygenist starts putting together this saw-looking contraption. A little scary, but I also saw the scraper tools on the tray so I figured the saw wasn't even for me. I was wrong again. When Dr. Williams finally got to me, he checked my teeth quickly and started in with the saw.

A SAW.

BETWEEN MY TEETH.

This was certainly uncomfortable and of course I had concerns about what if his hand slips, etc but it wasn't really that big of a deal. When he finished I breathed a little sigh of relief, thinking that I was done. Nope! He then pulls out this little metal strip. Think dental floss, but thicker. And made out of metal. He scraped that thing between my teeth several times and it HURT. LIKE. HELL. My man even drew blood! My gums are still sore today.

I let him know how torturous this procedure was, and he acted like he understood but I got the feeling he's never really endured it. I go back to the ortho in August and if they tell me that they are doing that IPS thing again I'm going to quit. My teeth are straight enough and I can't take another round of that torture, thankyouverylittle!

5 comments:

someplacegood said...

Sounds painful. Next time tell him to waterboard you instead.

Team Thompson said...

You need to watch the movie "The Dentist" with Corbin Bernson. Seriously....one of the more scary movies I have ever seen.

EquisBuffy said...

I will now have the term IPS burned in memory. Did they numb you at all?

Katie said...

someplacegood - that just sounds dirty. but yeah. i would prefer to be waterboarded

team thompson - i really don't anything to heighten my fear of dentists!

equisbuffy - NO!! They didn't even consider numbing me. Assholes!

BWL said...

The big question is whether this IPS syspem or whatever will help you sound less like the teacher from Peanuts whe nyou talk with your badass retainer in.